The day we met you.

It was a Wednesday, we went in for your mommy's prenatal appointment and after an ultrasound learned you had little fluid remaining around you. After discussing with the doctor he decided to induce your mommy before the due date. Later that evening we went to the hospital with your daddy and all our packed things, we were ready.

39 weeks and five days there we were.. It was a very slow start and unfortunately it continued to be. The next early evening we finally came to the unfortunate conclusion that you may be at risk to continue with laboring you naturally and would need to have a cesarean. Due to your mommy's prior back surgery and nerve damage it was decided too risky to birth without sedation. I met you after I woke up after surgery.

I remember being in the birthing room, all white with electronics everywhere. I finally lay down on their table and they remove my shoes, strap down my arms, clean my belly, arm pressure cuff on my left arm and monitoring cluff and cables connected to my right arm. The starilized drape went down and the oxygen mixed with some sleep medicine though the IV I believe.. It was so emotional, I held back as many tears as I could because unlike your twin sisters I would not see you, your birthing minute, hear you cry or put you to breast until after they cleaned me up and sewed me back together. The medicine entered my system and off to sleep I went, I dreamed of you.

Then awake, I remember a nurse handing you to me for the first time. I held you on my right side. Next I remember your daddy being there and giving you to him. Here is your son, I said to him and he held you for the first time too. The way your daddy looked at you and held you was beautiful, after all these years trying, struggling and dreaming about you, here you were.

I don't remember much after that. Apparently I was highly drugged up because of the surgery. Next thing I remember is waking up to a blood hemmorage. It was finally Friday the 8th, your expected due date. I was in horrific pain, the contractions I had with these blood clots were unbelievable. It felt like hours passed until it was over.

Unfortunately we missed a lot of valuable time together. It was rough breastfeeding and getting you to latch or stay latched. You developed jaundice and I had anemia from the blood loss. Saturday was our best breastfeeding day, wish the hospital could have helped out more with that and establish pumping since my supply would be compromised due to everything I experienced.

Sunday was the worst day. Your mommy had two bags of blood given through transfusion and you were on the lights for your jaundice, also monitoring for your breathing. What was interesting is after all the concern for me they didn't realize I was anemic because I was up and moving as quickly as possible.. You were there and I wanted to be super mom I guess, but on Sunday it was like a train hit me and I lost my strength and finally requested some time to rest and sleep.

Fortunately by Monday the both of us were much better and we were able to be released from the hospital. From Wednesday evening through early evening on Monday, it felt like a long time since we had been home.

I will add to this story and add more details too. I wanted to write some today because believe it or not I hadn't yet in your three months of life. It's been an amazing but busy time together. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world right now.

Having you does make me think of your twin sisters, a lot actually, and even more thankful that we have you in our lives. What an amazing life you will have, or so I hope. Mommy and Daddy love you with all our heart, our beautiful baby boy, our rainbow.

You

You made it. You're here. You're amazing. Our beautiful rainbow. 

I'm just almost three months behind on telling the story of your birth,.. 

35 Weeks

Haven't written in a long while but here we are, 35 weeks and 4 days. Hopeful for our happy beginning in however many weeks are left. Need to begin writing updates here again. 

KICK!!!

Nothing makes an angel baby momma who is expecting a rainbow baby more anxious than a baby who's not dancing as frequently. Saying to her baby, "Come on kiddo, KICK!!!" and just grasping onto hope that everything is normal and will continue to be ok. Thoughts of "This must just be a resting day or I'm not feeling the kicks as much" running through her mind while dreaming of birth day and when she gets to hold her rainbow baby for the first time, breathing, screaming, and alive.

Continuing Forward

Continuing forward, venturing towards the third trimester and hopeful we will make it to the finish line.

Bad Dreams

Calling what I dream a "bad dream" seems like a simplification of what actually occurred. But in the simplest of words yes I have had some bad dreams through out this pregnancy with our rainbow. Suppose it is the uncertainty of the future and just hope that everything will work out. Could also be the fact that we are expecting a baby boy this time instead of identical twin girls. Everything is different this time around for sure. Just happy that I'm keeping a record of the day to day even if it's not that detailed for our baby boy. Holding onto hope for our future and also hope my bad dreams are a thing of the past.

Dreaming Of You, Firsts

While I sit here with something I thought I'd never have, another chance at being a mother, I dream of you. I dream of holding you in my arms. I dream of watching your daddy hold you and rock you to sleep. I dream of midnight feedings, nursery rhythms and lulabies. I dream of your first smiles, yours first laughs, but first dream of your first cries. I dream of the day when I tell you all the things I've been thinking of and you can tell me what you think too. I dream of your first steps, your first day at school, your graduation, your wedding day, and I dream of your first child. I dream of everything I have now, will have and all in between our first and last days together.

You are our miracle and we love you more than you'll ever know. When we meet you it will be almost ten years since we began trying for our family. It will be almost twelve years since your daddy and I were married, and it will be fourteen years since your daddy and I first met. 

Until now we've only had angels, your older siblings. Life if full of firsts, you'll be our first earthly child. To all the moments we have now and that await us we are so very thankful. 

To our rainbow baby we love you so very much. Forever and ever our beautiful baby boy. You're making our dreams come true with each day you're with us.