Random Thoughts and Poetry

So many emotions trapped inside
Wondering, waiting, eating me alive
I wish and dream but no surprise
That future left, it's gone and died



Just no idea what the future holds but what I do know is that the future for our twins left almost nine months ago. Difficult to imagine it was that long ago and at this rate we may have a three or four month old or olds..

I think about our daughter Banana Lee and if the surgery for their TTTS had been successful would we had known to watch one child grow up, or would both children of had a chance.

Once our Apple Marie passed away Nana was all we had and we didn't want to let go of her. I should have known something wasn't right.. She wasn't moving around and showing off for the ultrasounds.

Perhaps when there was trouble that's when the fun stopped. The girls were so close together, head to head and it is almost like Nana was reaching out to Apple and speaking her name while pointing with her last breath, "I'm coming sister..", and then she left too...

The images of our babies will always be in my heart and my memory. Looked so much like their daddy with their mommy's jawline. I still try to imagine what our beautiful daughter's would have looked like fully grown, but my mind won't let me see it.

I dream of our rainbow baby but worried about the future. I need a future with little to no stress, to relax, and once it all happens, positivity.

That's all I can think to write tonight. Forever hopeful.