Heaven Got Another Angel

Why is it we find it easy to say some phrases, idioms that may or may not be relevant these days? Perhaps it's something that is easy and that's why these sayings continue. Maybe our parents or grandparents influenced us and now we can't help it, now adults ourselves. Heaven got another angel, I know I've heard that one before and somehow I find myself wanting to title this post with that saying.

A friend of mine experienced the loss no parent ever should. This is a topic that usually goes unsaid, "too taboo" some say, "you just don't talk about it" say others. I think that those are just excuses for people's inability to be comfortable in their own skin and realize that the world around them isn't coming up roses. But come hell or high water this topic will not wait til the cows come home.

Just turn a blind eye, maybe if you don't look it doesn't exist. I don't think so. Did you know that each life is precious? Sometimes I feel like I wear my  heart on my sleeve, it has come back to bite me but I will not let my life be in fear of letting myself live.

When my husband and I first had a bun in the oven we were overjoyed. Quickly this tiny circle became a tadpole like creature, then buds of arms and feet, no longer looking like an alien with a huge head, and was finally recognizable as a little human being.

I feel that for many life is when they feel it begins. I know I have had losses that were too early to tell. When we became pregnant last year and things were moving steadily forward we had the best of both words. Twins, two for the price of one. Life was great.

But wait! You're going up a blind alley! Loss happens every single day and no one bats an eye. This is just something that happens to everyone but that isn't true. I know my share of people who have never experienced loss, these same people and I usually have a challenging time relating to one another on the topic of life now that I've lost two.

Don't worry, your baby is in a better place. When it's right it will happen. Heaven got another angel. These words are not comforting and should not be said to those who lost their hopes and dreams for the life they just said goodbye to. So when is a good time to say these things? Perhaps never.

The best advice I can give to anyone who has never experienced loss before is to put yourself in their shoes. Especially the parents who have children and no matter what age, think about what you would feel like if you lost your child or your children. Being mindful and aware of our words and how they effect others is important in times like these.

Would it comfort you to hear the things you've said to others after the loss of your infant or your teenager or your adult child? There you are crying, missing your child, wondering why they had to die, they had their entire life ahead of them. Suddenly someone sits by your side and speaks to you while your in tears, "Don't cry now, your baby is in a better place. These things happen. At least they are no longer in pain. It happened for a reason. Heaven needed another angel. There is always surrogacy or adoption next time. You're still young, you can have more children. At least you have your other child(ren). They are in a better place. I know how you feel."

That example was the mother load. I feel these words are things that should not be said, even though I know I too have said unintentional hurtful words before. It is all about being kind to others, using awareness and mindfulness and empathy.

Do you know what IS ok to say? "I'm sorry","I'm here for you.","Let me know if you need me." and then just be there for the person who is grieving the best way you can. Don't make empty promises and don't make excuses or lie. Just be there for them.

Today heaven got another angel and right now I feel that heaven is the wicked witch of the universe. Give people a break heaven, you have enough angels. Let the children live.