Thoughts of a Mourning Mommy

Last night late into the evening I wrote this on our Fruit Of The Womb TTTS Angel's facebook page. Looking back now I can tell I was feeling down and upset when I wrote it. I believe my feelings should still be shared. Today, the 28th of June has been a bitter day. 

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By this time six months ago I was having some hints of what labor would be like. Only to realize hours later it would be the worst back labor possible. After their entrance into the world life should have been wonderful with happy visitors and congratulations. Instead we lost our babies and were receiving no visitors but two family members and doctors and staff, and no congratulations. 

This is not how it was supposed to be after eight years of trying, finally getting pregnant thanks to help with IVF and being blessed with identical twins. Instead I watch the world continue on around me as it always has all these years while fighting infertility.

It is so easy for so many to have their family and I feel they should count their blessings because everything can change in a second. Then you are just like myself and so many trying to pick up the pieces afterwards. No I can't just act like it wasn't a big deal and move forward.

Eight years, will be nine years this October trying to start our family. Have everything taken away from you and you tell me that it was meant to be or (insert saying/line/advice right here).

 

As well as what I write here tonight I want anyone who would like to, to read two things I've written recently.
First is our story http://thoughtsofanangelmommyfotwa.blogspot.com/2013/06/our-story.html
and second is this post http://thoughtsofanangelmommyfotwa.blogspot.com/2013/06/heaven-got-another-angel.html of which you'll understand why I recommend you to read it once you do.

It's difficult to heal after the loss of your child, less alone two children. I hope that someday, even right now, that we are being blessed with another child. Though I'm skeptical it will really happen without help of doctors because our past has not been kind to us. Infertility hurts.

Missing our babies tonight and my heart is heavy. Hopefully Friday will be gentle to me. It wasn't until Saturday the 29th that we truly said our last goodbye and left the hospital. But these first and last moments with our daughters are ones that will haunt me and I will cherish forever. 

<3 Momma loves you Apple Marie and Banana Lee <3

<3 <3 Forever and Ever <3 <3