If anyone has heard of the band Maroon 5 and has known them as long as I have, before they were even popular, local gigs even. You may know their first official single, "Harder To Breathe". A particular line of the song comes to mind sometimes,.. "Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe"
It feels like a weight is in my chest again, a knife stabbing my heart from the inside, just becoming harder and harder to breathe. I feel like every time I say those words that lyric sings in my mind. These anniversaries are nearing, my heart aches for our babies. I wish they were here! I miss our girls so much! This is NOT how it is supposed to be! Any next person who says I should feel happy or lucky to have all this quote, "free time" I may just scream.
This is not the life I wanted, I did not chose to have our babies die, I want to have sleepless nights from feeding the twins and diaper changes but I have nothing but memories and a broken heart. I perhaps that's not technically nothing but you know what I mean to say.
I thought I was going to be able to write this huge, detailed post but now I just want to have this be the end of it. The 30th of August is approaching, it would have been a happy thing to celebrate and remember. Now it's just the date we learned we were pregnant and have nothing but memories to hold onto.. Life is not as it should be.
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