Speaking The Truth, Snow Angels

This is what I wrote on our facebook page tonight. Fruit Of The Womb TTTS Angels

Can I have a moment to tell you something that is 100% true? 

I feel like my heart is being stabbed from the inside, that there are weights on my chest and it's becoming harder to breathe. 

The 30th of August is nearing and that was such a happy occasion for us last year. In many ways I'm dreading the 30th. Which is also why I hope we keep receiving likes on our page because that helps warm my heart and brings a smile to my face because I know people support what I do in our twins memory and they are not forgotten.

And my reply to that post.. The next five months.. A part of me doesn't know how I will get through this time while another part of me knows how I will get through and I will be ok, broken but ok. 

I feel like if I can make it to January 7th 2014 that everything will be ok because that was a good day, bittersweet but good. On January 7th, my birthday, 2013, our twins cremated remains in their snow white urn returned to us. I felt peace. 

I need signs from our twins, I felt like I had no signs before but that's not true. When they passed we had lots of signs, they sent us the snow. On every important day after they passed and when we felt sad and were thinking of them they sent us the snow, kisses from heaven so to speak. Remember when it was snowing right before Easter this past year, I know many of you complained but that brought me warmth and that is what I needed, what my husband and I needed because to us that was a sign from our baby girls. This is how our girls became known as our snow angels. 

So the one thing that helps give me peace are snowflakes and snow. It was suggested to plant snow ball bushes, thank you Annie Parrish, what a wonderful way for us to honor our babies and let us have the snow all year round. 

Since Easter left us I have not felt any signs from our girls and the upcoming anniversaries, ones that have passed and are to arrive have left me feeling empty and anxious. So many people speak of signs and so lucky, I want them too. 

If you're listening tonight our beautiful daughters please do your parents one thing, send us the snow, yes even in August. Ok, it doesn't have to be snow but please send us a sign. We need to feel you with us, we miss you both so so much and love you both so so much!