Attachment

  "We are like children building a sand castle. We embellish it with beautiful shells, bits of driftwood, and pieces of colored glass. The castle is ours, off limits to others. We're willing to attack if others threaten to hurt it. Yet despite all our attachment, we know that the tide will inevitably come in and sweep the sand castle away. The trick is to enjoy it fully but without clinging, and when the time comes, let it dissolve back into the sea."

 

~Pema Chödrön

Sometimes we don't want to let go. Attachment is something we all experience. 

Months ago once I realized and had awareness of what I felt and why, it was easier to continue on day by day. It's like I had an awakening of sorts. Then the moments didn't feel so sorrowful and I didn't sink into depression any longer. I was still sad that our babies were gone but was aware of how I was feeling and wasn't going to allow that feeling to overwhelm me. 

Sometimes I wonder if I had not had my awakening how far down the road I would have gotten. I believe I'm stronger than I realize. I don't need to worry though. I understood why and what I was feeling. Then suddenly it's like weights were lifted from my chest, I could breathe again. 

After a long cry one night that I could not stop I awoke the next morning. Sometimes I still wish I wasn't so attached to our children but I am. I'm ok admitting that, I'm not perfect.  It's difficult to let go and continue to live. Finding a peaceful place in the middle between attachment and separation. Somehow I will do what I can to survive and move forward.