Last night was one of those nights where I couldn't really sleep well. I tried but something kept me from being able to rest. My subconscious decided to take me on a trip into anxiety land and I managed to have about every possible dream that isn't pleasant or easy to wrap my mind around.
Dreams keep me wondering after I wake up. Why did I dream that? What does it mean? Is this a glimpse into my future or is the a look into a past or future life? Who knows. All I know is that my imagination ran away this morning and attempted to entertain me in my sleep. I was not amused.
The last dream I had before I woke up was at first a very happy dream. I became a mom again and had a child. I do not know if it was a son or a daughter but they were small. The last part of the pregnancy I was either frightened something could happen or it was that I was having difficulty, either way I ended up having the baby.
Next part of the dream was odd because it took a part of another dream and incorporated it into this dream. I was not working at a portrait studio but was at one with my newborn baby. I still looked a little pregnant because the baby had just been born. I was there to take some photos of the baby and I, my husband wasn't in this dream too for some reason.
I remember sitting in this swing like hammock with the baby in my arms and looking at the camera for photos. It's odd because I couldn't see a camera but was looking in the direction of it. By this part of the dream I wasn't seeing things from first person anymore, it is as I was watching myself from above.
Suddenly the baby's body goes limp but I don't notice what's happened, everyone else has and watching the dream now from above I notice. Then I who is holding the baby looks down and then it's first person again, holding the baby up to my chest and just start crying and screaming, "Noooo!"
Then I wake up.
I feel that dream was very unnecessary. What did it give me today? Uncomfortable feelings about the future and hopes that never happens. I don't want to ever lose a baby again, I already lost two.
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